Discernment: Day 1

So.. The camp concluded and here I am.. I have decided to pursue this further and see where I takes me. I need to know.. I need to put my heart at rest.. Is this the calling of my life? Is this it? It's going to be a long.. though journey ahead.. I will try to update this blog as much as possible.. but I guess there nothing much to write until I make my decision.. Though it would be good if people could share their opinions on how I should tackle this..

The concluding words of the camp.. What Fr Christopher said to me is what I will hold.. "He said I died for you Adrian, now he is asking will you do the same for me?"

and also "You know the message, I will pray for you".

Those are what I will remember and what I am working on now.. Can I? How? What am I to do? So many questions. I know I want it.. Deep down I know but afterall I am human.. and I also know that I am in love.. It's difficult you know..

I feel.. torn.. how? how can a man choose between God and Human Love.. It may sound trivial but priesthood is no joke. 3 vows that separates priest from others.. Chastity,Obedience to the Pope and Bishop, Poverty.

Can you do it? Just leave everything and pick up that cross??  I love my partner too bits.. I can't imagine life without her.. but at the same time... I love God and my Souls yearning is clear.. What should I do.. I am soo confused.. Lost.. I feel betrayed and the same time loved..

I think I am going back to meditate.. Do what St John Viani did.. Sit in from of the Tabernacle, look at it and say "I see you,You see me" and just wait.. wait for something and answer.. He has spoken to me before.. Through my heart and I know he will again.. Maybe not now.. But he will..

I don't think I will post anymore today.. I may switch to night updates where my day has concluded.. It all depends on my mood..