The beginning

So.. It all started when I was 15 years of age.. A young boy doubting his faith and on his confirmation journey.. It was on Good Friday to be exact during the 3pm Mass around the Eucharist part of the Mass.

I was sitting on the pew, thinking to myself or perhaps asking/challenging him.. "Why would you do this for us.. What motive and to what end? 2000 years down the road and I would still be here today.. Maybe not a Christian but definitely in existence"(I've got issues) so that was that..

The mass proceeded and I received the host(the bread that Catholics take during Holy Communion. not gonna touch on this but perhaps one day I might.. who knows??)  I went back to my seat and closed my eyes.. I opened my eyes and happened to glance at a candle on the altar.. I looked at the flame and I saw something. I made it out to be a figure, but I couldn't tell for sure.. At that instant something spoke to me.. It wasn't a voice.. no.. It wasn't a feeling.. It came from inside.. Comfort.. Warmth.. and I knew the answer to the question earlier.. "I did it for you" that was the very words I felt.. and it hit me.. it hit me hard.. I broke down.. I felt soooo fucking foolish for doubting.. I felt sad, overwhelmed.. I don't know.. Happy at the same time..

Anyways, life went on and eventually I buried that memory.. Forgot about it.. or so I thought.. I did get sparks for time to time.. When I hear certain words from the Gospel. "Come follow me" or when they do the vocational promotion and show a video. This scene is from a video called Fishers of Men.. If you're interested feel free browse YouTube for it.(Too lazy to include links) There was a car accident and a teen was lying on the road.. A crowd was gathered and  there was a traffic jam. In the midst of everything there was a priest. He saw the boy and immediately grabbed his Bible and his Stole (a scarf that priestly men have)  and rushed to the side of the poor boy. He performed last rights and set the boy to rest.. There was a line the captured me.. I felt it and I wanted it.. "To be able to bring souls home".. Such power I felt in those words.. But again like always I dismissed it and carrier on with my life..

Fast Forward x2 >>

I went to a flying Academy, Graduated, Spent a year looking for Airline, failed, Worked odd jobs,Got depressed,also went to prison(Drug Abuse, lets leave it at that),almost went bankrupt,lost faith,found hope, went back to/currently pursue/ing a diploma in Automotive Engineering at IUKL(another story.. fun times.. still loving it).


So now.. Backtrack slightly to "found hope" how did I find hope?

I prayed.. yes after years of not praying.. I prayed.. (Don't judge, for you will be judged) It was at SJMC during the appearance of particles on a window resembling that of Our Blessed Mother(Now housed in Klang, window pane and all) I was praying with the crowd after getting and inclination to go the.. yes.. I got a feeling that I needed to be there and I went.. and yes I am that impulsive.. and than I received something.. a personal revelation.. A vision of Jesus.. Looking down at me.. Welcoming me.. I felt it in my heart again.. the same feeling I had back than.. after.. lemme see 2012-2005= 7 years of suppressing it.. that memory I remembered and I cried.. Again I had doubted him.. and again he forgave and accepted me.. This time however.. I knew I had to do something.

AAAAANNNNNDDDDDD We shall save this for another time.. XD that is unless I still can't sleep... Been up all night now.. close to 48 hours.. @.@